Nikolay Vasiliev Sideways notes

Bob the Mushroom in Wonderland

Here folks is a story about Bob the Mushroom, who happened to travel to Wonderland (and got back). Nobody remembers exactly why his second name was "the Mushroom", some tell it's because he's old species, well like the mold. Others say he used some mushrooms to actually get into Wonderland (by the way, no one ever calls it "Wonderland", they say just Place). Long time ago it was indeed a wonder land, giant butterflies sliding around carrying important cargo, dropping their butterfly glossy powder onto Edelweiss Fields. It was all shining, incredible and mysterious. Wonderland used to be surrounded by Foggy Mountains, so you wouldn't even tell it from a regular hills. Never know what's inside.

So, Bob. One day he put on his hat, his pants with one button and decided to go to Wonderland. He got the map, made some calls, met some people, and he was given a keypass to the Wonderland Gate. And the journey began.

-- Here in the Place, we have some rules. First of all, we all are Friends.

Bob's heart ached a little. "That must truly be a wonderland!", he thought. "I've been looking for friends so desperately for years!"

-- Number two, you can do whatever you want. If anyone finds that you are not doing so - next day you wake up at home, and would never see the Place again.

"Great!", Bob thought. "Ok", he said.

And Bob began doing whatever-he-wanted-to with his friends. It was pretty hard job, I must say. Since everyone was already a friend, it was hard to make new friends. In fact, impossible. And even more, he couldn't stop being friend with anyone. New people kept coming into Wonderland, and all of them happened to become his friends, although in a village where Bob was born they would never shed a look at each other, if met on the street. Before Wonderland they might have been carpenters, or layers, or drivers but here in the Place, they were just happy people.

Doing whatever you want to didn't end so well, too. In fact, Bob didn't know what he wants to do. So he decided to do what others wanted. "Please," - he used to say, "tell me what do you want to be done?" One day he was told to cut some mushrooms, because they grew too high. (Maybe that was the day they started to call him the Mushroom). No one cut those mushrooms ever before. They were stone-thick, wet and the surface part was just the cherry on the top of a cake. Bob had nothing but his hands and army knife.

"Why do we need to cut these?", he asked Consellor. The Consellor replied softly: "Because I want them cut, and you want to do what I want". Bob took his knife and gone long with mushrooms.

He spent days and days in the mushroom valley, and mushrooms didn't appear to get any smaller; in fact, every other cut mushroom opened space for another two. So Bob decided to build a Mushroom Cutter Machine. In the village, he was pretty good at building machines, so it looked like fun. But mushrooms were too big and machine too hard to build alone, so Bob asked his friends for help. It turned out that everyone was too busy doing their whatever they wanted stuff.

Hamster was very busy person. He wanted to roll his Giant Circle so fast that it would produce energy enough to light the Giant Bulb. He was rolling it five days and five nights in a row, and still the Bulb wasn't warm enough. Maybe it was because the Bulb was just too big and would never warn up because of the cold air in the heights, where the top of the Bulb scratched the sky?..

-- Hey, Hamster, I need your help.

-- What are you doing? - Hamster asked.

-- I'm building a Machine to cut Mushrooms!

-- That's so cool! What can I do for you?

-- Here, help me to lift this Heavy Squizer part up...

Hamster stopped the Circle for a moment to give a hand to Bob. Suddenly Bob realised that actual friend is the one, who would give you a hand whatever it takes...

When Squizer was in the right place, Bob had just few knobs to fix, and the Machine was ready to cut the Mushrooms. But he didn't want to cut mushrooms anymore. He wanted to build another Machine. "This time, the Machine will actually gonna fly!" Bob went to Butterfly Garage, took some worn-out wings, ropes, and few pounds of not so glossy, used butterfly wing power (to make some glue). He spent weeks and weeks trying different combinations of wings, glue and ropes, and the Machine hardly managed to move wings.

-- Have you been to Marshmallow Library? It is over there, near Edelweiss Fields. Maybe there is solution for your flying machine problem. - Hamster told. - I used it myself to build the Circle.

The Library did had some solutions: on how to combine several butterfly wings into a larger one, how to make wings move synchronously, but there was no solution on how to put it all together. Bob scratched his head, and decided to put them one at a time, until the big picture arises. And it did. The next machine he built was able to take off from ground and fly several meters alongside.

Bob was just so happy, he couldn't cope.

-- Hey, Hamster, look, it actually flies!

-- Yes, it does! Good for you!

-- And why is not your Circle spinning?

-- I am leaving Wonderland.

-- ...

-- I heard there is a larger Circle on the other side of the Foggy Mountains. I am wasting my time with this tiny little Circle!

-- So, you're gone for good... I will miss you, Hamster.

Bob was sad. Out of all the friends he happened to care most about the one who was leaving. The other day he met the Consellor:

-- Look, Consellor, I have built the Flying Machine!

-- So what? Why would you do that?

-- Now I can fly anywhere I want! Even to the other side of the Foggy Mountains.

-- So fly.

-- Aren't you happy for me? Because I'm finally doing what I really want to do!

-- Good for you.

Bob was disappointed again. The other friend didn't care much about him flying away. It seemed like not all of these friends were equal. They were friendly, but not friendful. He had just broke the first rule of the Place. No more friends left for him there. And the second rule seemed to be working like, never - because, now, when he was doing what he wants to, nothing left to him but leave.

...When Flying Machine took him few miles away from Place's border, he looked back and stared for a while. Butterflies were flying no more, marching on the ground instead, Edelweiss Fields were flooded down to make lake for the Hydro Plant, and the Hamster's Circle happened to be demolished.

Robert turned his head to the new views opening to him, and smiled.